When your dog rolls over a dead fish...

A weekend adventure story

Oh hi there!

It was really fun to see your votes and comments about our upcoming moving adventure (19 days!). Just in case you’re curious, here are the poll results:

Washington was winning for the first half of the week. Then Oregon gained traction. (I obviously should never be one of those horse race announcers. There are only so many ways to describe something taking the lead.)

Speaking of a lead…

My dog wasn’t attached to one when she decided to roll over a dead fish. (Let’s take a moment to appreciate that transition.)

Anxious about packing and job interviews and finishing up a debut book, Aaron and I decided to frolic away the weekend at a lake. I paddleboarded. Aaron shored (he’s a shore guy). And Annie rolled over a dead fish.

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Here’s the little angel in question:

This video features three of her favorite words: excited, adventure, and lake.

Little did I know, this experience would inspire an entire story newsletter devoted to the subject. The title is “When your dog rolls over a dead fish.” I hope you enjoy it.

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When your dog rolls over a dead fish…

You will tell her “No.” She will probably think this means, “Put the fish in your mouth.”

Don’t worry, it’s just a communication issue. Now all you have to say is, “Drop it.” She knows that one really well.

Oh, she probably didn’t hear you. Say it louder.

“Drop it!”

Put your abs into it.

“DROP IT!”

Look really stern.

DROOOP ITTT!”

Well, it looks like you’re going to have to touch the dead fish.

As you grab, yank, and throw, your stomach may feel a little upset. Just remember this is nature. And nature is beautiful. Nature is connecting.

Nature is PUNGENT!

You’re going to want to wash your hands. This is a great idea unless there’s no running water by the lake (thanks to you and your need to “get away from it all”).

That’s okay. Just use hand sanitizer.

After finishing the entire bottle, you’ll realize you still have to get your stinky dog in the car. You’ll open the door, say, “Up up,” and notice that somewhere along the way, your stinky dog also puked in the back seat. Would you look at that? Life’s full of surprises.

Clean up goes well (other than the realization that this is a “pack out your garbage” type of place). On the drive home, you’ll be surrounded by stench. You have two options: open the windows to the 100 degree heat OR die. It’s an easy choice.

When you get home, you’ll carry your dog up the stairs and into the tub. She will probably not like this. Ignore her. This is her fault.

Scrub her over once. Scrub her over twice. Look up “how to get dead fish smell out of fur” because this isn’t cutting it.

Pour some sort of vinegar concoction over her. Let her dry. Deodorize her with baking soda. Bathe her again. And…

Voila! She smells…slightly better.

Your house smells…slightly worse.

Hopefully, with a little therapy, you can accept her for who she is (a fish dog).

But as for your house, your only option is…

Good thing you’re moving in a few weeks!

THE END

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Well, I hope you enjoyed that little anecdote. What can I say? My dog really inspires me.

Just in case you need a little more fish related fun, here is my dog Annie’s favorite song.

Your still-procrastinating-packing friend,

Rachel

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