What being a debut author actually feels like
Getting vulnerable with a personal letter + an original art giveaway and other debut fun!
Oh hi there!
I cannot believe there is less than one week until HOW TO PEE YOUR PANTS: THE RIGHT WAY comes out. I’m excited and scared and grateful and overwhelmed and…basically all the emotions at once. Who knew that some of my biggest dreams coming true would also trigger a bunch of internal fears and anxieties???
My therapist. Yep. My therapist did.
I know many of you, dear readers, have dreams, too. Some have books published. Others want books published. And a bunch of you have big beautiful dreams outside of publishing.
Dreams can motivate you and also crush your little heart. They can make you feel like you are flying or like you want to hide under the covers where no one can see you. And I’m learning that no matter where you are in your journey to your dreams, all of these feelings are very present.
So in light of all that, I wanted to write a very personal letter to you. We’re getting vulnerable in this hizzle!
While the letter is sort of about what being a debut author actually feels like, it’s really about the conflicted relationship between dreams, expectations, reality, hopes, fears, and disappointments. I have a feeling that many of you will relate.
A letter from me to you
Dear reader,
I am now one week away from my big debut. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for years. In fact, I think this dream has been calling from a place so deep within me that I couldn’t see it for a long time.
Little Rachel could see it. She gave stories as presents for birthdays. She wrote and directed over-the-top operas and funny skits with friends. And her favorite assignment in school was a picture book fairytale retelling.
But when her teacher accused her of plagiarism in fourth grade, she dug a small hole and put her dream in there. When her friends and family decided that making silly videos wasn’t cool anymore, she covered up her dream with dirt so no one could see it. When she learned that pleasing adults was more important than listening to herself, she stopped looking at her buried dream and, as Little Rachel became Big Rachel, she eventually forgot about it.
Sometimes things would remind her. Making art with grandma. Receiving a creative writing assignment. Reading a great book. But without the dream to guide her, she felt lost for many years.
Until…
One day she was cleaning out her mom’s garage and stumbled upon a box of picture books she had collected from when she was a baby to when she left for college. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she finally remembered. The DREAM.
She realized that someone made these books.
She wanted to be that someone!
She got to work. She took classes. She read lots of books. She wrote lots of stories. Big Rachel had always thought of herself as a writer, but as she explored her voice, she realized she wanted to be an illustrator, too.
This realization came with a lot of doubts. Would she ruin her chances because her lack of skill? What if she embarrassed herself? What if she was rejected and it hurt?
She was tempted to dig a hole and bury her dream many times. But friends and critique partners and mentors cheered her on. Rather than bury her dream, they helped her brush it off and shape it into something she could see more and more clearly every day. Something she could hold onto during the hard days.
Then, after years of work and lots of rejections, it happened. She connected with an incredible literary agent. They sold a bunch of books together. Her dream was finally becoming a reality! She thought this moment would feel like pure joy. And it sure was joyful.
But it was also terrifying. A contract came with expectations. What if she failed? What if she disappointed everyone? Suddenly those old feelings of fear returned (along with some new ones), and all she wanted to do was throw her dream in a big hole and cover it up again.
Every time she typed a word, she wondered, “Can I really do this?”
Every time she painted a stroke, she wondered, “What if I mess it up?”
But with every word and every stroke, her book emerged.
Within that book, she found Little Rachel.
She was in the glasses of her main character design. She was in the green plaid pants. She was in the jokes, the bubble wrapped chairs, the embarrassment of wet pants, and the connection between friends.
Little Rachel was standing right there with her.
Little Rachel was standing right there with — me.
Now, as I face all the exciting and terrifying new things a debut brings, it comforts me to know that I’m honoring Little Rachel. I’m sharing my book like Little Rachel shared stories for birthday gifts. I’m making silly videos just like she did. I’m giving her what she always longed for: the space to be herself.
So wherever you are in your journey to your dreams, I wanted to write this letter to remind you that you are not alone.
Your fears are valid. But so are your dreams.
Please don’t bury them. Because when you do, you also bury Little You. And Little You is a great gift.
If you feel so inclined, I would love to hear one thing that Little You loved to do or one way you have honored Little You recently. You can reply to this email or leave a comment here.
Here are some of the ways I am honoring Little Rachel this week:
I’m giving away original art and stickers and inviting the whole world to a virtual pee pants party on Instagram Live!
Saturday, October 12 at 10:00 AM PST: I’ll give you a sneak peek read aloud of the book, answer your questions, and do a giveaway of stickers and original art.
To enter the giveaway, you can:
Comment on or reply to this newsletter (one of the five original art pieces will go ONLY to newsletter subscribers, so your chances are very good).
Comment on the Instagram post below. (This is one of the drawings just in case you want to see what you are getting yourself into.)
I’m making funny videos including this one for my PREORDER GIVEAWAY!
If you order my debut book from Brick and Mortar Bookstore before Tuesday, you’ll get a free PFF sticker (they’ll ship it to you with your book and everything). The only thing you’ll have to figure out is where to put it. I made a silly video about that and, if you have sticker anxiety like me, you might feel seen.
I’m celebrating friendship with a Pee Friends Forever (PFF) launch party!
Monday, October 15 at 6:30 PM PST in Redmond, WA: You, me, beloved author Martha Brockenbrough, snacks, bubble wrap capes, a read aloud, some Q&A, and a book game. What more could you ask for?
If you want to participate, here are some important instructions.
And because Little Rachel loves Halloween, I’m doing a spooky haunted states event!
Sunday, October 13 at 4:00 PM PST in Poulsbo, WA: Jolie Stekly and I will be reading excerpts of our short stories from THE HAUNTED STATES OF AMERICA anthology (Macmillan) at Liberty Bay Bookstore.
Thanks for sitting with me AT THE KID TABLE today. Until next time!
As always I’ll save you a seat right next to me.
Your not-as-alone-as-they-sometimes-feel friends,
Little and Big Rachel
RACHELLLLL!!!! This was wildly emotional to read holy moly— Little Rachel is ADORABLE and I’m working on a time machine to go back and protect her at all costs 😤 I am so happy for you and your dream, my friend, and so happy for the world that we get to have your stories in it SO SOON ❤️❤️❤️
I identify with this so much, but on a bit of a flip side.
In fourth grade journaling (creative writing), I definitely ripped off storylines from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (it was fanfic before fanfic); my teacher just encouraged me in my writing. My classmates were the ones who handed me the shovel.
But two years later, I had an also amazing teacher who encouraged my writing even more, even though half the time it made no sense to anyone but me sometimes. (Side note: she was the only one to teach me how to draw anything recognizable and helped me fall in love with art.)
I became a professional journalist but grabbed the shovel again when I realized the way to get ahead in that industry was to be negative. Eventually, I went back to school and became a middle school English teacher. I locked the shovels in the boiler room because the belonged nowhere near my kids. Those kids encouraged my fiction writing and insisted that I finish. They even helped spark a series of short stories. They’ve grasped the shovel-free zone. 😊
I will become a published author in the near future. I know this because my cousin (then 14, like my middle schoolers) visited from England last year, and we talked books and my own writing. She made me sign my name on a bookmark and insisted that I write under my signature “Future Famous Author.”
This spring I had my NaNoWriMo hoodie embroidered with the words “Future Famous Author.”
Kids are amazing. I’m blessed to write for them.😊